|SAN FELIPE 2013|
For a lot of us, college was a blur. We know it happened but we can't really explain how. And that's a good thing. Who wants to describe how it feels waking up next to Weez in the Blue House while Polenzani and Wickstrand order pizza at 9 a.m.? Who wants to describe shot-gunning four Natural Lights in the Sports Arena parking lot next to Bowles and Semro? And for that matter, who wants to describe Bowles and Semro?
It has been 20 years since a lot of us began college. And since none of us are getting any cooler, younger, better looking or more adventurous, I thought I would conjure up an idea that's been brewing for years.
|Next July, you could be having this much fun|
|Anybody else interested in what's happened to this kid the past 16 years?|
"Reset the past, relive the glories, revive the passion, restore the chaos."
A) Caravan down from San Diego. Make all necessary arrangements for children to stay at home (see "Babel") and group up for the drive either on the 3rd or 4th.
B) Meet in Felipe Thursday, July 4th, 2013. That gives the socialites and glitteratti more than one full calendar year to generate exit strategies and embrace brotherhood one more time.
C) Bring tents, sleeping bags, food, music, entertainment, fireworks, swim trunks, bongs, jalapenos, chicle and any other items. The beer will be provided by those Mexicans in trucks that always show up early in the morning.
OTHER REASONS TO HEAD FOR THE BORDER:
|See who's changed and who hasn't|
|Find out what the Hedgehog's been up to|
|See Stuff You Normally Wouldn't|
|Meet your heroes|
- It's 17 months away.
- If the weekend is already booked for fishing, or re-binding your leather bound books, you have plenty of time to cancel it.
- Additionally, some may think the 4th of July a weekend reserved for families, barbecues, and kids holding sparklers. Not what we're looking for in 2013.
- It's a built-in Thursday-friday K.O. punch. National Holiday. 4-day weekend. You're welcome.
- Pointing Roman Candles at each other after six beers has gotta be pretty fun.
- Aren't you slightly curious what the 2013 Puck looks like?
- The evenings are remarkably mild.
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Wednesday, July 3rd, San Diego, California
Afternoon and Early Evening: Beach Barbecue/Slosh Ball/Will Darling Pig Roast (South Mission)
Evening and Late Night: Pennant/Gaslamp/Blue House Trainwreck
Transportation provided by Mishindi
Thursday, July 4th, San Diego, California to San Felipe, Mexico
Morning: Depart at your leisure. Organized caravans leave from the Roller Coaster at 9:00 A.M.
3 - 5 p.m.: Welcome Tequila Shot and Wrist-Band Hand-Outs, hosted by Dr. Ashraf Kasto and Matthew Johndrow
*Live Music provided by Will Darling and the original Fish and the Seaweed (provided they own passports and are still alive)
**Note: Please keep Tom McGourthy away from all musical instruments if you should see him trending toward the stage (see below)
|"Rah rah rah....Favre....rah rah rah..."|
|H-Bomb wants to celebrate with you!|
11 p.m. Front of the Room Millenium Edition (Years of Research and Hundreds of Submissions will be narrowed down to Seven Ultimate Stories of debauchery and hormonal discharge from the past 15 years. These outrageous yarns will be spun and analyzed in an hour-long special hosted by Jerry McNamara).
Noon: Dominic Sanone Look-a-like Contest, Hosted by Dominic Sanone
Evening: Spouse and Singles After-Hours Social (A chance to get to know all the spouses in the Felipe Family)
*** An alternative could be the game show, "What Went Wrong?" where select ex-couples detail the moment they knew their USD romance was doomed.
1) Mulka and Freckles
2) Raptor and Tami Barnhardt
3) Maloney and The Girl Who Fell Between Two Houseboats
4) Foote and ONdrea Saenz
5) Ash and Jill Virtges
7) Greiner and Big Suz
8) Selina and The Weez
9) Brach and any A-di-Pi
10) Nick and Wick
8:00 a.m. Bury-Raptor-In-the-Sand-And-Leave-Him-for-Dead-Day at the Beach
Noon: Matinee debut of Tyler Kannon's bare-all one-man show entitled "The Slap" (based on actual events)
Afternoon: A Home Mortgage Q & A hour with Greg Wickstrand
**Ask Greg about the home lending crisis, the Sub-prime mortgage, and where Bear Stearns went wrong. Refreshments to follow.
Sunset: Romantic Horseback Riding, An Evening On the Beach, hosted by Scott Foote
|"Come ride with me"|
Twilight: "Who Else Hates Their Tattoo?" --- The worst tattoos from the early 90s are highlighted and discussed, hosted by James "The Smiley Face Sun on my Back isn't as sick as I thought" Brennan
Primetime: Fear Factor Felipe: Five Teams (based on Geographical regions) square off in the ultimate Brackish Backwater known to Man. Part physical, part mental, this popular reality show goes Mexican to test the limits of our fearless five teams.
Team West Point (The Northeast and Deep South): Captains Chainsaw and Moylan
Team Miramar (California and Arizona): Captains Sporrer and Whitey
Team Fort Lewis (Pacific Northwest) : Captains Burke and Wickstrand
Team NORAD (The Rocky Mountains): Captains Sanone and English
Team Rock Island (Middle America): Captains Berghoff and Lynch
6:00 a.m. Revenge on the Mexican Assholes who Rode Quad bikes Every Morning and Woke us Up Fun Run (optional and by invite only)
Mid-Morning: "Hide-Bowles' Blackberry-and-then-Video Tape- Him-Trying-to-Find-it -Day-at-the- Beach"
Mid-day: Hike, Sacrifice, and Raptor Burial.
Afternoon: Mr. and Mrs. Felipe Pageant, hosted by....
Midnight: Zombie Date Dash (Theme Party based on responses received in the coming months) Potential Theme Options on the table:
- "Arab Spring"
- "Federales and Drug Lords"
- "Mash Bash"
- "Chris 'Dress like a Fag' Skibba Tribute Night"
|Mal: What are you wearing on the boat?|
Skibba: Gotta go with jeans, belt, and no shirt, buddy.
Dawn: Leave as early as humanly possible, never breathe a word of what went on to anybody, sprint north for the border, avoid Federales
Noon: Big Mac Eating Contest at the Calexico McDonald's
Evening: Post-Party Wind-down at the Pennant (hosted by Bullet and Brach)
|'...What a great f-in weekend....'|